Back to the Beginning

December 13, 2006

Lazy? Cynical? Sloppy? Sure, you could describe me as all of those things, and behind my back I’m sure that many people do. To my face though, people are pleasant and friendly.

I do have something that is really getting to me though: I exaggerate. I want people to like me. I want to tell a good story and be part of everyone’s life. In many ways though, that’s killing me. I have fractured my life and many people in one part want nothing to do with people in another part. I tell stories about someone. I silently agree to someone’s assumptions about someone else. And then my memory plays tricks on me and I can no longer remember who I told what to. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but to try and get my life unfractured will hurt everyone and probably make me more of a social outcast than I am.

So here I’ll try to go on about some of these divided stories. On the surface I will say that I don’t care if anyone is reading them. I want to do this because I want to get my life together, and honestly there’s no one I can talk to. Deep down, I guess I hope that someone I know actually comes to read these pages perhaps. And hopefully they come to understand what sort of crazy maze of mirrors and crystals I’ve made for myself. And forgive me when I try to extricate myself from it.

At this point, I don’t know whether these stories will be depressing, funny, or even of the lamest of interest to others. What I hope foremost though is that I don’t end up writing for an imaginary audience that makes yet another part of my life that I can’t really be honest with.

But if you’ve read this far, thanks for reading.

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December 13, 2006

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